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Old 08-14-2011, 12:38 PM
shinaobi shinaobi is offline
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Default [13th] Week 201: Arakaki Yuudai

Re-re-re REAPP!!!

Contact Info:
AIM - shinaobi
Email – resumejosh@gmail.com

Name: Arakaki Yuudai

Age: 80, appears to be about 21

Persona: More or less a teenager, Yuudai’s previous life as a military brat shows through, as he is almost violently impatient, rapidly becoming annoyed by anyone and anything that he perceives to be wasting his time, be that through tardiness, or even a perceived lack of ‘applied vigor’; that is to say, the blond thinks that the target of his ire could be going faster than they are. To say he’s a total asshole to people would be overdoing it, as his adopted mother did a good job of putting dents in his face when he spoke everything that came to mind. The man has, after a fashion, learned when, where, and to whom he could express his opinions, optimally in the form of vitriolic quips. This leaves the shinigami as appearing to be an impatient, aloof, and arrogant bastard.

His surrogate mother has, however, had a lasting, arguably traumatic effect on Yuudai’s attitudes and tendencies toward the fairer sex and so Yuudai’s behavior changes wildly when in the company of women (especially when they have a pair of glasses). While in most men this change is most accurately summarized as lechery, in Yuudai’s case there is ingrained in him a tendency to be reflexively submissive towards them and to be much more mindful of his tongue when in their presence. This natural submissiveness extends to almost all aspects, as he will implicitly trust women in almost all matters and feels an almost instinctual compulsion to follow any and all instructions they give.

Yuudai’s adopted parent also rubbed off on the shinigami in a more positive manner: the shinigami genuinely cares about children, and when around them, nearly all of the edge on his personality disappears. It takes herculean efforts to get him to express much past mild annoyance at a child and he is reflexively protective of them as well; Yuudai has even been known to keep candies up the sleeves of his shihakusho for the express purpose of handing them out to hungry children.

In confrontations of almost all kinds, the young man is aggressive and persistent; he feels that all fights he picks are winnable. If he isn’t winning, he just isn’t doing it right.

Physical Stature: At an even 5’10”, the fair skinned Yuudai has the build of a well toned athlete, with long blonde hair arranged in an almost playful french braid. He usually has a confident, challenging and ever present grin on his face. Thanks to a pill designed to force the early release of one's shikai, Yuudai's eyes resemble those of a hollow, with dark black pupils,
and irises tinted a sinister crimson.
[SPOILER="One Pic Summary"][/SPOILER]

Biography:
Born in Tokyo, Yuudai’s life as a human was marked by tragedy; his mother died in childbirth. His father, an officer in the army, made attempts to love his son as best he could. Since he was usually away from the boy, this generally tended to translate into a shower of gifts. In life, Yuudai never formed any particularly long-lasting friendships and it would be this fact that would lead to his demise. Having recently made a friend in the school he was attending, the 8 year old Yuudai didn’t take the news of the move he had to make very well. While boxes were being packed, the young boy snuck out of the house he was currently staying in and went to go visit his little friend. While on the way there, he was hit by a car and killed.

Thus was the young Arakaki Yuudai dropped into Rukongai. Quite confused, he would proceed to wander about for a few weeks before being picked up and adopted by a kind, bespectacled lady named Basan with an antique shop. Having retained the disposition of the military brat he was in his previous life, Yuudai proved quite a handful in the beginning; at least, he was until she brought out the switch. With this new weapon, Basan was able to bring Yuudai into line right quick-like and soon she had a very helpful and respectful assistant for her shop. All were happy and content, at least for a time.

That time came when Basan was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It quickly left her bed-ridden, and a concerned Yuudai was forced to run the shop alone. Ultimately, the sickness would take her life, and thus was Yuudai left alone.

He would continue to run the shop for a time, until a gang of thugs would come to break in and steal its merchandise. By the time a shinigami, of the fourth division, was called to the scene, all he found in the shop was a beaten, bloodied, and half-conscious Yuudai lying in the corner, a small locket clutched tightly in his hands, surrounded by the trashed remains of what was formerly an antique shop and complaining of hunger pangs.

Yuudai’s injuries were healed by that shinigami of the fourth, who noted that, given how long it took him to get to the scene of the robbery, along with the apparent severity of the young shopkeeper’s wounds, the boy should have been on the brink of his second death; he took this and the young man’s self-proclaimed immediate need for nourishment as signs of spiritual potential so the shinigami decided to take Yuudai to the Seireitei shortly thereafter and enroll him in the academy. He would later graduate and become a shinigami proper, making a promise to his deceased surrogate mother that he would make her proud.

Division/Seat: 13th Division, Unseated


Zanpakto: Shorter than most, Yuudai’s zanpakto is an uchigatana with a blade of about 61 centimeters attached to a black handle; its tsuba is the same as what is seen on most zanpakto, and the blade finds shelter within a white saya.

Stats:

Reiatsu: 656
Zanjutsu: 17
Hakuda: 280
Hohou: 359
Kidou: 0
Connection: 414

Sample Chapter:

[Word Count: 1780]

It was night time in the Rukongai, and a singularly peculiar sight could be seen, if one cared to look. A blonde, french-braided shinigami with eyes that, on first glance, looked more hollow than human was plodding along toward the graveyard carrying two cups of tea. The steam rising from those cups was wafted towards the downcast-looking young man’s face, which seemed more suited to grins and shows of bravado than the tight, forlorn frown it was now being made to wear. However, this being night in the Rukongai, everyone inclined to study the faces of passers-by had long since gone into the relative safety of their homes, and the few who could be bothered to spare a glance at the pensive young man were quickly put off and hurried along by those aforementioned eyes irises darkened to pitch and sclera to a blood red thanks to a less-than-ethical research experiment. In this manner the shinigami, known and named as Arakaki Yuudai made it to the graveyard without incident, and eventually reached his apparent objective; a small, mostly unadorned gravestone with the name “Basan” on it. Around the gravestone were some of the small gifts one would normally expect to be left at a grave; flowers, some trinkets, and such; oddly, a weathered switch lay in front of the tombstone. Strangely, there were a multitude of empty teacups around the grave; evidently this was not, by any stretch of the imagination, the first time Yuudai had visited the grave.

In fact, Yuudai carried out these visits to Basan’s gravesite every few months and they were one of the only things that the normally impatient shinigami ever slowed down for. As he sat cross-legged down in front of the grave Yuudai took time to pull his sheathed zanpakto out of his obi and lay it down beside him so that he would be more comfortable, the young man placed one of the teacups in front of him on a smooth, well-trodden bit of ground, and after taking a sip from the teacup he held started talking to the tombstone.

“Yeah, I know it’s been a while since I last got to talk to you. Know you probably can’t hear me all that well being dead, or…well, I think alive is accurate too, but whatever. I figure it’s been about a decade since you went and left me to run the shop solo, and I’ve done a pretty good job coming by to visit every now and then. Since it’s been a while since the last time I visited you, though, figure I might as well tell you some of what happened.”

Arakaki took advantage of this apparent break in the one-sided conversation to take a sip of the tea, though he froze mid-sip when he heard some light rustling behind him. Whatever caused the rustling was apparently watching Yuudai’s body language rather closely, as it ceased almost immediately after the blonde man tensed up. After a deep breath to let himself relax, Yuudai continued.

“Well I already told you about what happened with the antique shop, Basan. I tried to defend our goods as best as I could, honest I did, but, well, we weren’t as close to the Seireitei as we could have been, and there were three of them, so I didn’t really do much to stop them. At least I kept this thing here safe though, right?” Yuudai said, as he removed the chain he constantly kept around his neck and, by consequence, the locket it was attached to, opening it to the show the picture inside to the tombstone. As he turned to look at it himself, his expression softened, and the small, sad smile of someone remembering days long past appeared on his face as he stared at the picture inside, which depicted himself and the woman he was talking to; apparently quite a few years back, as the blonde in the picture was a boy, though the woman he stood next to had steel gray hair; though the smile itself faded away as he began again, the young man’s mood was clearly lightened. As before, he took a sip of tea, and wrapped the chain around his right wrist after putting the cup down; once more, there was some rustling behind him, closer than before, though this time Yuudai made sure he kept his movements relaxed and natural. He thought that he could make out some high-pitched muttering.

I wonder… thought the shinigami as he began to soliloquize once more. “I figure one of the neighbors called down after that, so I came out from that one okay, even got drafted by Seireitei. Then, you know, training and all that happened. Just kinda rushed through that part of my life, especially that kidou business; waste of my time. But anyway; back to the story. Got put into the-“ the rustling this time got almost interminably loud, and a high-pitched voice could be heard, saying “Ouch, the bush pricked me!”

Yuudai sighed heavily, trying not to laugh. I thought as much. I got scooped up pretty quick, but I know how rough it is to have to scrounge. Tells me who was drinking all the tea though.

Clearing his throat, the blonde man spoke up, keeping his head facing forward and jabbing a finger back at the nearby clump of bushes that the pint sized observer was hiding behind. “Come on out, I know you’re in there.” Afterwards, a rustling that if one listened closely, sounded vaguely of annoyance and sheepishness could be heard, before one small set of feet shuffled out. The shinigami the owner of the feet was intruding on waved them closer, his eyes closed.

Definitely don’t want them seeing these eyes of mine. It’s not like I care if a little urchin thinks I look like a monster or anything, but, I mean, Basan took me in as a kid, so I figure I might as well help this kid out some, especially since I know how much it sucks to be hungry and stuff, and I had a feeling somebody was drinking all of this tea, though I shouldn’t waste time, but…but…

Yuudai was so lost in thoughts that he didn’t notice the kid wander over to him and tug on his tighter-than-the-strict-uniform-standard sleeve, asking “Mr. Shinigami sir, why are your eyes closed? You aren’t angry with me, are you? I just wanted something to drink, and you always leave extra behind—eek!” The child was cut short by Yuudai’s surprised whipping about of his head; on reflex, Yuudai opened his eyes, letting out a strangled “Ulp” as he stared into the hazel eyes of the redheaded girl who had been watching him; creating a peculiar mixture of annoyance and horror in Arakaki, as the child’s eyes widened upon looking into Yuudai’s red and black orbs, and he found his jaw hanging slack as the girl started talking again, recovering from her initial shock to ask a question that left the blonde man sputtering: “Whoooaaa, what happened to make your eyes all weird colored like that?”

After a moment of uncomfortable silence wherein Yuudai worked his jaw furiously trying to get his brain to recover, the older of the pair finally managed to sputter out something of an explanation. “Well, uh, it was, uhm, just, um, don’t take pills from strange women you don’t know, even if uhm, well,” stuttered Arakaki, before remembering his present company -- who was currently raising an eyebrow in an expression that indicated a level of insight wholly inappropriate for her apparent age – and placing an addendum to his earlier statement “well, you should still take medicine and, you can trust nurses, and, well, yo-“

“Was she hot?” interrupted the redheaded child, her hazel eyes narrowed, demonstrating an absolutely ruthless intelligence at work; her thin lips had maneuvered themselves into the kind of smile that told of an unflappable confidence. In short, the kid saw right through poor old Yuudai, whose face had turned a deep enough shade of red to match his eyes and whose hands were now shaking uncontrollably, barely managing to keep the liquid left in his teacup from spilling out, though he forgot to make sure that his proverbial guts stayed put as well.

“Well, I mean, she had glasses, and these really cute blue eyes, and such an innocent face, but…but…” trailed off Yuudai, as enough of his mind recovered to realize the situation he was in.

“And…?” prodded the girl, leaning towards him, her smile widening to show teeth in an almost predatory display of glee.
Recovering his wits, but still finding himself unable, in light of the facts of his upbringing, to snap at the girl despite the righteous prodding of his ego, Arakaki settled for pulling the only card he had left in the battle of wills he had found himself drawn into.

“And I am an adult, and this is an adult matter, of which you need no knowledge. Now sit down and drink this tea I brought for you, and then I will take you home. I’m sure your –“ Yuudai winced before he could finish, noticing the way the girl’s eyes shifted away from his own, her grin fading. He immediately fell back on instinct.
“I mean, uhm, I’ll uhhh, take you out to eat somewhere, and, uhhhhhh, here!” babbled Yuudai, reaching into his sleeve and pulling out some candies, which the shinigami usually kept on his person as a way to keep the edge off of any hunger pangs that hit outside of meal-times. He handed these to the girl in an almost franticly placating gesture; the suspiciously rapid speed at which she flashed him an undeniably adorable smile before gobbling down the confections at an alarming speed left him wondering whether or not he had just been manipulated. At the expectant look in her eyes—her face being blocked by the cup of tea she was slurping-- the young shinigami sighed, saying “Well, I need to know your name before we leave, and I might as well tell you mine. I’ll start off. I’m Arakaki Yuudai.”
Finishing her drink, the girl exhaled in satisfaction, saying “Now, I think my name is gonna be Arakaki Ansherina, since you’re gonna be my big brother.” At those words, Yuudai looked into his now empty tea cup, as if it could provide the answers to him before looking up to the sky and fainting, falling backwards onto the grass, his mind fully shorted out.

His final thoughts before he hit the ground were: What is this I don’t even—
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[SPOILER="Made By Hart :3"][/SPOILER]
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  #2  
Old 08-16-2011, 05:10 AM
Igasho Igasho is offline
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Name: Good

Age: looks good too

Persona:

Quote:
His surrogate mother has had a lasting, nigh traumatic effect on him, and Yuudai has a pretty major soft spot for women (especially when they have a pair of glasses), and, while in most men this translates to lechery, in his case it causes him to act much more respectfully around them, and usually speaks more guardedly when in their presence, in a subconscious bid to avoid getting slapped in the face.
Long sentence is far too long. There should be a comma after 'traumatic' and the sentence should be split into two or three independent ideas.

Quote:
He will also often take their word in almost all situations, only thinking to suspect them when they act in extremely suspect manners.
I'm not sure what the point of saying this is since it would only be assumed that most people suspect people when they act in suspect manners. Maybe you want to clarify?

Quote:
She also rubbed off on Yuudai in a more positive manner: the shinigami has a soft spot for children, and, when around them, nearly all of the edge on his personality disappears; it takes herculean efforts to get him to express much past mild annoyance at a child, and he is reflexively protective of them as well.
She who? You should probably refer to 'she' as the surrogate mother because you changed subjects.

Aside from structure as I've mentioned, his personality seems pretty clearly defined here. I think maybe you should give an idea of what he's like to others too.

Physical Stature: Looks good. Very cool eye background too.

Biography: You can add details to the previous life if you like, but no one in Soul Society remembers their previous life. As long as that doesnt interfere, the details are fine. Also, 'contented' should be content.

The latter details are fine too but remember that, in order enter the shinigami academy, one must show signs of being spiritually heightened.


Division/Seat: good


Zanpakuto: fine here too

Stats:

As long as you have clearance from Will to keep your old stats, they all add up and look fine.

Give your persona and bio another run through and we can jump on that sample chapter next.
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  #3  
Old 08-18-2011, 02:37 PM
shinaobi shinaobi is offline
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Updated in accordance to recommendations, plus or minus some fiddling where I felt fiddling was needed. Have another looksee. :>
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